Loving My Body Where It's At

April 19, 2021

I've thought about how I'd go about writing this post so many times. Carrie Bradshaw once said, "The most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself." Over the course of the past year my relationship with myself has been exceptionally challenging to say at the least. 
I will be completely honest here I have been struggling. With my body image in particular. Over the course of the pandemic I have faced the highest levels of stress I think I've ever endured. I made three life moves between May and July of 2020 and I'm still making them. Despite exercising and eating fairly healthy I gained weight. Some of my clothes don't even fit anymore.  

It has been hard. My body has been changing. I have more muscle but I'm also more bloated. I've stayed away from the blog and photographing outfits because I haven't liked the way I look which is something I'm really not proud of.

I was in a yoga class the other day when my teacher said, "Recovery will come through moments of grace." So I'm giving myself room to have those moments of grace. I am learning how to love my body at where it's at instead of beating myself up everyday.

One of the things that has been helping is talking to friends, family, and co-workers about this struggle. At first I was nervous to get vulnerable, but talking it through has really helped. I have a lot of amazing people in my corner who have reminded me that I am not alone and I am more than my body.


To be quite honest I'm not really sure where I go from here. I have been working with my doctor to figure out what has been bothering me. When I beat myself up I remind myself what my best friend Abbey told me during a round of We're Not Really Strangers Anymore, that I need to be nicer to myself. I focus more on the things my body can do for me than what it can't. It's not perfect by any means but I feel hopeful about this battle and that's something I'm optimistic about. At the end of the day the way my clothes fit isn't nearly as important as the fit of my relationship with myself.


Big thanks to Kolachi Grooves for these pictures and getting me in front of the camera again


Wearing: Dress - Bldwn (sold out, but similar), shoes - super old Betsey Johnson (similar)


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14 comments

  1. I have had my fair share of body struggles. Definitely had some this past year as well. You've got this!

    Jennifer
    Curated By Jennifer

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    1. It's nice to know that I'm not alone. You as well, Jennifer. Keep going!

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  2. That's such a beautiful dress on you! I think it's important to remember that our bodies always change - we never stay the same, circumstances and life is always changing and fluctuating. I hope you will be able to find an answer to the things that are stressing you but remember no matter what changes your body has, it's still the same body that's got you through all of the stress and struggles so far so it can definitely be celebrated! :)

    Hope that you are having a lovely week :)

    Away From The Blue

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    1. Thank you, Mica. I am trying to remember your words when I get frustrated with myself. Sometimes I forget that as I evolve my body will as well. Really appreciate your wise words.

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  3. Sometimes it's hard not to notice all of our imperfections because we see ourselves so often. I've definitely had days where I just don't feel good about myself, because of some of the things you've mentioned like bloating. Those aren't fun days T_T But then I think that how we look is just one part of ourselves - and there are so many other things we can be happy with, like sense of humor, friends, hobbies, etc <3

    These photos are gorgeous, btw ;D

    http://bloomingsuitcase.com

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    1. Great advice. I think about what my body is doing for me but I need to remember that ultimately I'm bigger than my body.

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  4. Not everyone has enough bravery in their heart to speak up about topics like this, so I have a lot of respect for the fact that you've decided to share this information with us. We all go through body image struggles, especially post pandemic that forced us to live a pretty passive life for quite some time. I have read that we often hold onto our body weight subconsciously as a protection mechanism, which is why doing yoga, mind work and using body positive affirmations can help you a lot to shift that barrier. You do look amazing though! And I really love these stunning photographs xx

    Naya
    www.nayatilly.com

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    1. Thank you for your kind comment, Naya. When I read this I almost started crying. Definitely need to work on positive body affirmations. I appreciate your comment so much.

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  5. I really loved reading this post, and thank you for sharing such an honest account of how you feel. I've definitely had some confidence issues, especially during the pandemic, but it's a work in progress and I just try to focus on my daily affirmations to help me get past these feelings. You look so beautiful and these pictures are so perfect!


    Molly xx
    https://volumesofbeauty.com

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    1. Thank you, Molly. I need to work on some daily affirmations as well. A work in progress is a great way to put it.

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  6. I hear you girl! the whole Covid situation including much more time spent at home have just in our own company tested a lot of us in any possible way. I think you look incredible and I hope you will find an answer to your worries soon xx
    Elegant Duchess xx
    https://www.elegantduchess.com/

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  7. This is such a lovely post, and so well written. I think spending more time at home, more time looking at ourselves and less distraction has left us considering our appearance more, in the midst of all the other chaos. It's not easy in the slightest, and I'm personally working towards body neutrality. Not loving it, not hating it, but accepting and appreciating it for carrying me through life. Sending love to you, and thank you for sharing <3

    //teandtwosugars.blogspot.com xx

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    1. Thank you for your comment, Georgia. I wholeheartedly agree. Spending more time at home has made me look at myself more often and more critically to be honest. I think moving toward body neutrality would be a great place for me to be. Our bodies do so much for us. We need to be more grateful, myself especially. Sending love to you as well <3

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